From: “Ann Coulter
To: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 4:20 PM
Subject: My first piece
Hey Brian,
Attached are my first impressions of the Democratic National Convention. Pretty much what I expected from the event — my reaction shouldn’t be any crazier than normal.
Let me know what you think. I think you’ll like how I claim Dennis Kucinich is incapable of even running a convenience store!
Take care,
Ann
P.S. I’m so glad you’re handling the editing of this one and not Ibrahim. With that clipped accent and “Muslim name, I thought I was punting for Al Jazeera!
Attachment: i_fucking_rule.doc
· · · · ·
From: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
To: “Ann Coulter
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 5:09 PM
Subject: Re: My first piece
Ann,
Glad to be on board! Ibrahim’s on vacation this week — I think he’s off on a pilgrimage or something — so I’m happy to fill in.
I’m looking over the piece on a purely textual level and I’m not seeing anything Strunk and White would be fuming over; give me an hour and I’ll have comments. Don’t want to keep my star pundit up late with rewrites!
Best,
Brian
· · · · ·
From: “Ann Coulter
To: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 5:12 PM
Subject: No problem
Brian,
Take your time. I’m going to walk over to the “Free Speech Zone and goof on the protestors. (I get into that in the article, too.)
Can you imagine liberal protestors? Isn’t that an oxymoron, like journalistic integrity?
-A-
· · · · ·
From: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
To: “Ann Coulter
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 6:17 PM
Subject: Comments
Ann,
Okay, I’ve had a chance to look over your piece a couple times. A few comments:
- Do we really need to call Democrats “Spawn of Satan? I was under the impression that’s what Libertarians are.
- While it’s true that only ugly women are Democrats, is it something that they want to hear in their favorite national daily? It’s like punching someone in the mouth and then telling them they have bad teeth.
- Just a thought: do you think people you’re ideologically aligned with wear flag “clothing because they have absolutely hideous fashion sense? Never hurts to be playful with both sides — shows your objectivity.
- All cops hate Democrats? I never knew that! Such a generalization would normally have me running for my fact book, but I know you double-check your sources.
- Another comment: you call Dennis Kucinich “little, but I’ve played strip poker with both him and Howard Dean, and Kucinich is by far and away the most well-hung man I’ve ever seen. They don’t call him the Vegan Viper for nothing — the man has a tube snake nesting in his pants!
- Regarding 7-11: I think if a filthy immigrant can manage to stand there and count pennies for 8 hours, the Viper could do it, too. Or are you saying that he’s so stunted intellectually even doing that taxes his mind? If so, scathing!
- Regarding the whole “Nazi thing, do we really want to invoke Godwin’s Law? It does derail the author’s entire message. Maybe we should move that stuff to the end of the piece so the train wreck is a spectacular finish (wink wink)?
- Likening people who want their loved ones home from war to Stalinist teachers — strong stuff.
You’re definitely off to a roaring start for the week! If I could voice a few objections:
- Non-sequiturs: The piece leaps from topic to topic without spending much time on any of them. Any chance you could trim out one or two “mini-stories and devote more attention to greater issues?
- “No-truth-zone: Come now, surely there must have been some truth being spoken in that razor-wire pen? I’ll bet the protestors were voicing their true hatred of being penned away, totally invisible to the convention. At the very least, I’m betting someone was talking about how much they like their kid or wife.
- Jimmy Carter: Can you please elaborate on how he’s responsible for American relations with the Middle East and much of the terror in the world? That’s an explosive charge that you kind of just threw out there. If true, write a column on that — if false, I need to call our lawyers.
- Hatred: Is it really necessary? Bear in mind we are a national daily, and half the votes in 2000 were for Gore. We don’t want to alienate 50% of our readership.
Otherwise, everything else is fabulous!
Best,
Brian
· · · · ·
From: “Ann Coulter
To: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 6:59 PM
Subject: Re: Comments
Brian,
Everything else is fabulous? Do you mean my hilarious “code system bookends that open and close the piece? BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY THING YOU DO NOT WANT CHANGED.
USA Today hired me to do what I do best — give flip, off-the-cuff remarks about a number of piddling items of little importance while trashing Democrats. Have you never read one of my pieces? A few weeks ago I called Democrats rapist sympathizers because they think Allawi is no better than Saddam Hussein and simultaneously goof on Hussein’s two dead sons! That’s satire!
I don’t know if your comments about the veracity of my statements or how I jump around on the page with no rhyme or reason to my ranting were your attempt at being “clever, but I didn’t find it amusing.
The article stands as is.
-A-
· · · · ·
From: “Ann Coulter
To: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 7:01 PM
Subject: Re: Comments
Brian,
Ignore that last e-mail. Must be some of that “hatred you don’t like! LOL
I’ll see if I can make some of the changes you’re talking about. It’s not like me to write something coherent, but there’s a first time for everything!
-A-
· · · · ·
From: “Ann Coulter
To: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 7:04 PM
Subject: Second draft
I’m reading my stuff and laughing out loud. I think I’ll keep it as is, although I did misspell the word “hippie in “fragrant hippie-chick pie wagons they call ˜women.’ Consider it fixed.
-A-
Attachment: i_fucking_rule_redux.doc
· · · · ·
From: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
To: “Ann Coulter
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 7:29 PM
Subject: Re: Second draft
Ann,
Thanks for finding the typo. I found it during my read-through and changed it myself. However, I had a thought — bear with me while I hash it out in e-mail:
I know you hate the Democrats, but it seems like a waste of 12 inches (no, I’m not talking about Kucinich, LOL, I mean newsprint) to make specious and derogatory remarks about how some Dems dress or act when you can really attack the policy of the party.
For example, John Kerry. The guy is like a carbon copy of Bush on foreign policy, he went to the same school, was in the same secret society.
He’s a rich white guy whose greatest political move was to close the case on POWs/MIAs in Asia. And yet he’s supposed to be a Democratic “salvation?
Wouldn’t it be great to open your week reporting on the DNC to interview people who’ve pinned all their hope on Kerry, only to reveal to them that he’s almost policy-for-policy Bush? Then make fun of them!
I figure it’s relevant while hope-dashing, and it makes fun of people you don’t like. Sound doable? I bet there’s still time to go over there and get some interviews if possible.
Best,
Brian
· · · · ·
From: “Ann Coulter
To: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 8:00 PM
Subject: Second draft
Not a bad idea, but no. It’s not as much fun to argue a point as it is to mock people for things outside their control. That’s what people are looking for in political commentary, anyway.
It’s why Bill O’Reilly makes a challenge to debate anyone about the PATRIOT Act and then backs down when someone takes him up on the challenge.
No need for follow-through.
-A-
· · · · ·
From: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
To: “Ann Coulter
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 8:15 PM
Subject: Re: Second draft
Ann,
I’m begging you to reconsider. Let me put it succinctly: what you’ve handed in to me is
bad — stupendously, amazingly, monumentally bad.
Nothing is well-substantiated. It’s a random, aimless attempt at humor that falls flatter than your weak rhetoric. The sly conspiratorial air you hold is contemptuous. Most important, though, even the most mildly retarded chimp would find numerous factual errors.
I’ve given you a topic that millions of people would like to see commented on. Your acid tongue would serve the subject well. What you’ve submitted, however, isn’t fit to publish in something not owned by Rupert Murdoch.
Sincerely,
Brian
P.S. Don’t take what I’ve said personally.
· · · · ·
From: “Ann Coulter
To: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 9:00 PM
Subject: Monumentally bad? You little shit.
B, let me make this short — I know you need to get back to proofing the hundreds of three-dimensional pie charts the Money section needs for tomorrow’s edition.
Bad, vindictive humor with little substance to back it up is Ann Coulter. It’s what you bought when you hired me. I’ve built a career out of talking directly out of my ass. I’m a demagogue. And I’m not doing real journalism. Not for you. Not for anyone.
If you don’t like my piece, fine. I’ll just post it on my web site and crow how you and your staff “couldn’t take what I’m about. People don’t read me to get any insight into politics, they read me because I piss on the floor and yell about it the loudest.
I get attention. And this piece is going to get attention whether or not it appears in your paper.
-A-
· · · · ·
From: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
To: “Ann Coulter
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 10:20 PM
Subject: Re: Monumentally bad? You little shit.
Ann,
I’m saddened to hear your response. We won’t be running your piece tomorrow; I just got out of a dinner meeting with my boss and he’s decided to pull your reports from the paper. I’m sorry we couldn’t work together on this. We’ll say we just differences over editing of a fairly ordinary have kind. I don’t think people will be too surprised.
I hope you’ll be more open to critique should we work together again.
Best,
Brian
· · · · ·
From: “Ann Coulter
To: “Brian Gallagher — USA TODAY
Sent: Sunday, July 25, 2004 11:00 PM
Subject: Uh huh.
Whatever, Libertarian.
-A-
