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Live Free or Die

Wonder Wear

TME #5Note: This piece appeared in Total Movie & Entertainment Magazine.Remember that time in second grade when you triumphantly dropped your pants in front of your shocked teacher and giggling classmates to show off your Batman briefs? Now you can recapture that invigorating sense of exhibitionism and superhero worship in the boardroom thanks to a new line of Underoos for adults.

Released in 1978, Underoos allow kids to maintain a secret identity under their street clothes with underwear versions of Superman, Wonder Woman and a variety of other superhero costumes.

Fruit of the Loom is banking of the popularity of the kids’ product throughout the 1980s to create repeat business for nostalgic adults who used to wear them. Despite most people’s overwhelming desire never to see their fathers strutting around in their underwear, the company hopes proud poppas will don the likeness of Superman with their child for fun and bonding. But not too much fun or bonding.

When asked if their product may lead to a sharp increase in adult men walking the streets at night in nothing but briefs and a T-shirt, both Fruit of the Loom representative and reporter paused a moment to purge this thought from their minds.

The adult line is presently only available in Superman and Batman styles, but more characters are waiting in the wings should the product line take off. Each set will come with the typical shirt/briefs combo in a variety of sizes. Masks may also be included in time for Halloween. Sadly, no adult line for women is currently planned despite Cameron Diaz’s spellbinding dance in Charlie’s Angels that featured little more than Spider-man Underoos and a vacuous expression.

Adult Underoos have a tentative release date for early 2002. Applications for Dark Knights are currently being accepted.

Dr. Frederick Wertham was right