For thousands of years, women have always wondered what men thought about them, especially the men they are involved with. I’ve debated this myself for some time, and in the interests of bettering humanity, I’ve decided to release a small list of things that women do that really annoy men:

1. If you cry, you win. Does this really surprise anybody? One of the most frustrating aspects of this is that there can be an intense argument, and even though the guy is completely, hands down in the right, when the waterworks start to flow, it’s over. Guys can’t fight that. It’s impossible and women know it. If you’re a guy and you think you can argue through the tears, I’d like to request the type of medication you’re taking because I’d also like to live in that altered state.

   You gotta love emotional blackmail. It’s fun when you’ve kidnapped someone and everything, but if you start to cry so that you can win the debate, you’re just pissing off your significant other.

2. Don’t tell us there’s nothing wrong. Thinly veiled anger doesn’t look good on women. And all guys know what I’m talking about: you’ve pissed off your girlfriend but she never tells you how or why. Subtle clues like dead pigeons start making appearances on your doorstop. Innocuous greetings like “Hi” get you a response like “There’s nothing wrong. Really.” Then you get the half-smile that just seethes resentment. Ouch.

   And tell us what’s wrong when it’s wrong. Don’t wait four months and internalize your rage, because when you bring up something we’ve done and we can’t even remember it, that’s a problem. Besides, isn’t a relationship about honesty?

3. Don’t assume anything. Women, you think you have men pegged down. From personal experience, I’ve come to the conclusion that women think men are a lot more complex than we are. Trust me, nothing could be less complex than a guy’s mind.

   So when a guy wants to stop hanging out with you at any particular time, he doesn’t hate you. He’s got stuff to do. But the following happens anyway:

   Guy X wants to leave Girl Y’s apartment. Y thinks there is something wrong. X doesn’t want to miss the new episode of South Park. Y tries to analyze the relationship on the spot. As X leaves, Y follows him out and asks, “What’s wrong?”

   “Nothing,” X says. There really is nothing wrong. He just wants to go.

   In the process of trying to determine the source of the wrong that doesn’t exist, Y pesters and annoys X into actually being mad. Then Y starts crying and it’s over. X doesn’t even know what the hell just happened, but he chalks it up to PMS and goes home and watches South Park.

If a guy is mad, let him go be by himself. Don’t try to analyze and talk about it. The next day he’ll be fine and you won’t be any worse for wear.

Guys, any other crazy woman stuff I’ve missed?